Letting Go

This last year was my year to learn about really letting go. I lost my Mom to leukemia on April 8, 08 that date will be ingrained in my head probably till I die. I always thought it would be her bad heart that would take her. It was a tough few months for her but she did it with dignity. I love her so much and she is in my heart everyday. In nursing school they teach you that before someone dies they need to hear that it's OK to die. I told my Mom that it was OK and at the time I meant it because I saw that she was in pain (didn't want to take pain meds because she didn't want to get hooked on them) but after the fact I didn't want to let her go and wanted her back. Her big concern was that she didn't want us to be sad and she didn't want to let go of us either. She fought a hard fight but her body gave out.
I think about her everyday but today more so, every morning I put her old sweater on and I visualize her giving me a hug it's my own way of dealing with all of this. Today when I woke up to my phone ringing it was my youngest son Larry calling telling me he was on his way back to a place where there hasn't been peace for before time and said "you know I'm OK with it". You see he is also teaching me to let go, he knows how much I worry about him and wants me to be OK just by his words. Even while he was on leave here he was teaching me, I fought it hard but in the end I had to let go of the fact that he is a grown man able to make decisions for himself and able to take care of things in his own way. I wanted to hang on tight to him just like I did my Mom but, he had to make the long trip back to Afghanistan. Letting go is not easy......but we have no control it just happens.